Relationships are hard. Especially close relationships, like couples. Yet, it is in these very relationships where the invitation to grow and heal and transform into something better is issued with resounding clarity and an intensity that can’t be ignored. Wade into the messy stuff, feel the pain that accompanies healing, and experience the good that comes with intimacy. It’s the grace and truth inherent in the knowledge that “You know my worst and you love me still.” This is the power of transformative relationship.

Questions for a Couples Retreat

Dreams

• What did you want?
• In what ways has life gone differently than you imagined?
• What dreams/goals have you achieved?
• What are some new dreams/goals?
• What goals/dreams have been retired or replaced?
• Who do you admire and why?

Intimacy

• What makes you feel loved? Describe a time you felt loved by me.
• What makes you feel frustrated or ignored by me? Describe a time when you felt frustrated or ignored by me.
• What do you value/appreciate most about our relationship?
• What scares you about us?
• What is our greatest strength?
• What is our main weakness?
• What would you like more of?
• What excites you about our future?
• What do you wish I knew about you?
• What turns you on?
• What shuts you down?
• Describe what it’s like when you are satisfied after sex.
• When you are disappointed with sex, what is the story you tell yourself?
• What is something you’ve wanted to do/try but never asked for?
• What scares you about sex?
• What do you like best about our sex life?

Goals

• When you picture us in 5/10/20/30 years, what do you see?
• If you could wave a magic wand and make your life exactly the way you want it, what would life look like?
• What do you feel is the biggest obstacle to the life you want?
• What are your individual goals? (E.g., money, career, family, community, health, etc.)
• What resources and support do you need to accomplish each goal?
• How can I help you reach your goals?
• What are our shared goals? Are our efforts aligned and coordinated?

Habits

• What good habits have you developed?
• What habits would you like to lose?
• How is a habit or pattern of thinking holding you back?
• What one habit, if implemented, could have a significant impact on your life?
• What patterns are you perpetuating because you give yourself permission to fail or you haven’t given yourself permission to change?
• What is one coping strategy that no longer serves you? Describe a scenario and a constructive coping strategy.
• Describe an ideal day/week/month. What habits are present? How do these habits facilitate the lifestyle you want?

Resources

• What resources do we possess or have access to? (E.g., time, money, equipment/materials, ingenuity, skills, social networks, etc.)
• How are these resources currently allocated?
• How is resource allocation aligned with our values, goals, or dreams?
• What resources are untapped?
• What resources are running low?
• How can we make adjustments to our resources to use them more strategically?
• If you could have more of just one resource, what would you choose?